The Conversation
The only conversation that gave Elan any sort of comfort was with her friend, Beth. Beth was a professor for the Veteran’s Legal Clinic at the local law school. Beth was badass even though she did not realize it or ever consider herself that. She was a veteran of the Army JAG Corps, a children’s book author, and a painter. When Elan did a brief stint at the law school as a career counselor, Elan and Beth became close friends in a short amount of time. Beth had her own struggles. She was diagnosed with colon cancer at a young age a year after they met. Elan’s only experience with colon cancer was her grandmother that was diagnosed in her mid-eighties. Elan never considered this disease one that could strike someone only ten years older than her.
Elan immediately jumped in to help her friend that needed surgery and chemotherapy. Elan helped Beth’s students and taught a few classes in the second half of the fall semester to help her friend concentrate on her health. That is the thing about loss or a surprise diagnosis, the world keeps moving. Beth’s students still needed instruction and the clinic’s clients still needed assistance. Elan continued as a career counselor and took on most of Beth’s responsibilities for no extra pay or gratitude from the administration. Elan did not care because it was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, assisting a colleague almost cost Elan her job because she did not stay in her lane and know her place. Beth was cleared of cancer after two surgeries and chemotherapy and returned to the clinic the next fall.
After Beth returned to her job duties and the disheartening experience with the administration, Elan found a new job as the only in-house counsel of operations for a small real estate development firm. Because she needed new employment, she took the job at a salary that she made twelve years ago as a third-year lawyer. At the time, Elan did not mind because it would give her a new experience and less pay meant less expectations. She would have the time she needed to concentrate on the invitro fertilization procedures.
Through all this, Elan and Beth remained friends. Elan told Beth about the positive pregnancy test and texted pictures of the ultrasound images. Elan also told Beth about the miscarriage. When Elan spoke with Beth on the phone, Beth did not make Elan feel alone or misunderstood. Even though Beth told Elan about her own miscarriages, it was not in a way to compare or compete as to who had experienced more trauma. Beth did not tell Elan to keep going through invitro at all costs. Beth did not know that Elan and James had already spent the down payment on a home on these invitro procedures. Beth listened and let Elan feel heard. Strangely, Elan’s family and longtime friends had been unable to accomplish this task. The piece of advice that Beth gave to Elan that she cherished was that this did not have to be the end. Beth said, “If you still want a family, you can have it. It will just look a lot different than you imagined.” This comforted Elan because she thought that maybe this did not have to be the end. Although Elan did not know how, she thought there still could be a way. In this moment of grief, was born a tiny glimmer of hope.